I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
