Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
