Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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