I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
