i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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