when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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