I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
