So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
