I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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