He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
