oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
