There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
