So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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