I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
