i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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