I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
