I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
