I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
