So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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