Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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