yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
