I just cut my nipple shaving
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
