he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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