ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
