Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
