Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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