i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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