he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
