guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
