smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
