if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
