Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
