I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
