I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
