I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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