Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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