she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
