He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
