He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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