you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
