Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
