Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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