i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
