I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
