yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
