I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
