remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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