Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
