elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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