Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
