I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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