it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
