i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
