Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
