you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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