i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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